A Better Man, by Michael Ian Black

Hey friends! I’ve got a treat and get to highlight this book today.

A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son, by Michael Ian Black, is a collection of short essays that aim to reframe that concept of what it means to “be a man”. Black is a comedian and actor and one of the folks who is in my “oh hey, it’s that guy!” category whenever I see him in something. This collection is personal and anyone familiar with Black’s work will appreciate and enjoy his humor, and getting a deeper look into his life.

I’m in school right now and doing lots of academic reading. In such cases we look for the research question, the aim and goal of the thing, and then analyze if the paper, article, study or whatever, was able to do what it intended. Did it answer the question? Black asks and meditates on “how can we be, and raise, better men?” and, while I don’t think this type of question can be completely solved ever, I do think he adds positively to the conversation.

My own relationship with paternal figures and ideals is pretty spotty, and when reading a book like this you can’t help but reflect on your own experience. As always, the advice to “take what you want and leave the rest”, applies. These short pieces are compelling and make you feel like you’re listening to someone you care about tell you something interesting, directly and tenderly.

He doesn’t skip difficult stuff.

Some of these were hard to read because of the the content, and the memories they brought up, but never felt sensationalized or like they were pushing at emotions for the sake of a reaction. The first essay introducing the why of the book is about gun violence and it hurts; necessarily so.

He talks about gender, worrying about fatherhood, the harrowing realization that the idols in your life are also human, the suffocating trap of traditional masculine ideals, the parts of manhood that are better than he expected, love and heartbreak, vulnerability, religion, questioning things, and so much more. The whole book has a sense of intentional calm, and empathetic examination that I appreciated.

To me, it feels that he’s writing it because he genuinely wants to help fix the pervasive issues and misunderstandings surrounding masculinity and why so much of what has been done is so harmful.

It’s tough shit to look at and sift through, to be quite blunt about it.

He does it well and acknowledges the complications and how messy it is.

While I don’t agree with all of Black’s opinions, I found so much in here that made me think, reflect, get a little misty-eyed and thoughtful, and I always appreciate seeing the vulnerable thought process surrounding difficult topics.

The things he’s working out here are valuable for everyone to learn from and think about.

Here’s my favorite part:

“The simple secret of manhood is love. It’s almost embarrassing to write that down. Not because it sounds so hokey, but because, deep down, it’s something all of us already knows. And yet…we men have an especially hard time admitting it to ourselves. For all of our bravados, for all of our sweat, our chest pounding, we still strive for that same, simple place. Just love.”

A Better Man is available now and can be found anywhere you grab your books.

**Thank you to Algonquin Books for my review copy - all opinions are my own.